


A little more bearable

by Pootz



Category: Hollow Knight (Video Games)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-27
Updated: 2020-08-15
Packaged: 2021-01-04 16:50:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 16,126
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21200948
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pootz/pseuds/Pootz
Summary: Known as Spectra, you are the goddess of refraction and half-shadows. You weaken both light and darkness, this is something the Pale king wants to use once you arrive in Hollownest. Although badly hurt and blinded, you help the king gain precious time. Time you spend with the Pure Vessel and time you spend getting to know the gendered child.After a long time of hibernation, you awake to once again. To a world where another little knight is trying to save Hollownest. Now that your sight is restored, you want nothing more than to see the one you fought for, the one that made being blind a little more bearable.





	1. the first chrysalis

**Author's Note:**

> Hollow Knight is a brilliant masterpiece created by team cherry. I do not own any of their characters nor plot/storyline.

” Your highness, there are three messengers requesting to speak with you” a servant spoke to the pale king. The pale king looked away from the window and over to the servant.   
“Bring them here” he ordered. The servant disappeared, leaving the pale king alone to look at the royal garden once again. He was watching the hollow knight train in silence; they were growing so much. Soon they would be in top form and able to contain the radiance.   
“Royal wyrm, it is a pleasure to finally meet you” an unfamiliar voice said, the king turned around to see three bugs, wearing flowing blue capes with an ornate brooch resembling a phantom butterfly.   
“We have travelled far and wide to finally arrive in this lush paradise you call home” the second one, a bee said.   
“what is it that brought you this far?” the king asked.   
“We are here with a request. To let our goddess be a guest here while she is transforming” the bee spoke again. Another goddess? He already had trouble enough with one now. But this one might be able to help him.  
“very well, she may stay here. But I will as a favour of her in return once her transformation is done” he said. They bowed to him and thanked him before walking out.   
It was quiet for a few days, before once again the followers return, this time there were 12 of them and they were carrying a big golden statue about the same size as the king.  
“Thank you, Royal wyrm. We brought you a sign of our gratitude” a mantis spoke. He nodded.   
“Our lady Spectra desires to rest amongst your royal gardens, is that something that could be arranged?” the mantis continued. The king was hesitant about what the white lady would say. But since it was only temporary, he did not see the problem.   
“You have my permission to proceed” the king said. They quickly exited and made their way to the gardens. He followed curiously. They gathered in a circle and the mantis proceeded to draw a sort of pentagram in the middle. They started chanting a poetic chant, attracting even more spectators. When they were finished the ground started rumbling and soon a gigantic regal caterpillar appeared, it was about half the length of the pale king’s old self, yet the same size. The followers bowed before her. The caterpillar proceeded to carefully navigate through the gardens and positioned itself in a corner.   
Crystals started forming around her and she herself became crystalized. But unlike those in crystal peak were these a pale green.   
“How long will she stay like that?” the pale king asked. The followers stood up and the mantis answered.  
“last time it was 10 days” the king froze slightly, that is quite a long time.   
The days went by peacefully for the followers and their goddess. But the pale king was getting more and more nervous, the infection was starting to spread further amongst his people. The radiance was getting stronger with every minute, with every night and so was the vessel.   
The king’s plan was slowly taking on form. But he still needed two more dreamers. The first one he had was Monomon. He doubted that he could ask the goddess resting in his garden. She had a loyal following that seems unwilling to give her up so easily. She seemed to have a positive effect on her surrounding since her arrival the staff has stayed calm. The king has seen many of them approach the chrysalis, amongst them even the hollow knight. When they approached the chrysalis, the followers were getting uneasy.   
“Young knight, your presents is unsettling for the lady spectra” one of the followers said to them. They looked up at the chrysalis before walking away. But it was not unsettling. 

It was time. I opened my eyes and looked at my surrounding. It had been 9 days since I came here. I could hear a part of my followers outside my chrysalis excitedly cheering. I knew what they wanted, and I wanted to come out too. The crystal-like shell started cracking and breaking. I left my chrysalis slightly exhausted. They bowed in front of me. The king would most likely want to meet me now and I should give my host a proper sign of my gratitude.   
“take me to the king, for I much wish to speak with him” I said. They quickly obeyed and showed me the way. I could sense his power and the power of five others, yet they were not as prominent. I entered the castle; it was all a pale white. We entered the throne room and there he was, accompanied by one of the other powers I had sensed. It was a tall knight, standing high above the king and taller than myself, which was quite the hard task to fulfil. The king stood up when he saw me.  
“Royal wyrm, may I present to you. Our lady spectra” the mantis, Andonis, introduced me.   
“It’s a pleasure to meet you, Pale king” I spoke softly.   
“I have a request for you, Lady spectra” the king spoke.   
“the radiance is presenting herself as a threat to my subjects. I want to know if you would be able to assist me in eliminating this threat” he continued.  
“that could be arranged. Under the condition that my people stay out of this” I requested.   
“they will be unharmed by me” he answered. I was hesitant to agree, I knew what he was doing, he was after all the reason the radiance was returning, it was because he was trying to erase her. The radiance might go after my followers, so will have them return to our main temple in Silvertombs once it gets too dangerous.   
“very well, I will lend you my aid” I responded. The king nodded, I glanced over at the knight standing next to him. They were powerful, I could sense it clearly. A mixture of light and dark. How surprising, the other gods were of light, except for the lord resting in the abyss. They were just like me. The knight met my gaze. I could see their memories and their mind. I averted my gaze from them.   
A few days past and I could sense the fear and worry grow amongst the king’s servants. The mantis lord had betrayed his people and the king has started to close off areas of his kingdom.  
“lady spectra, you asked for me?” I turned to face Galag.   
“I will open a portal for you and the others to return to Silvertomb, you are no longer safe here. I fear neither god involved in this is acting with a clear mind” I answered, looking over the pale garden. The king had found another dreamer for his project. I have watched the vessel too, they were getting even stronger. Galag bowed.  
“thank you, lady spectra” she spoke.   
“inform the others. It will be by the fountain outside” I said and gave her a key. She nodded before leaving. I was once again alone. Outside my followers were gathering. I spread out my wings and opened their portal. They bowed at me before they were engulfed by the spectrum of light and then they were gone. I tucked away my wings once again and sat down on the bench. I closed my eyes and tried to connect with the white lady. I had yet to meet her in person since she had exiled herself in a cocoon of roots and grown into the earth.   
Someone approached me. I turned to look once she was behind me. Monomon, the first dreamer. Her mask hid her true emotions, but her body showed them all. She was nervous or scared of me.  
“I assure you, Monomon, there is no reason for you to fear me” I said calmly.   
“how did you know my name?” she asked me.   
“why shouldn’t I know it?” I countered, standing up and walking towards her. She was shorter than me.   
“pardon?” she said.   
“you are the one offering up your life to hold the radiance contained?” I asked.  
“to save the people, yes” she said, confidence rising in her words. I nodded slowly before returning to the bench, she was certain this plan was the only way.   
“who are you, if I might ask?” she asked me. She seemed to understand that I did not agree with the king’s plan.  
“I am Penumbra; however, my followers often refer to me as Spectra, you’re welcome to do the same” I answered, sitting down.   
“may I know what someone like you is doing here, Spectra?” she asked me.  
“A place of transformation, I needed a place with another resident higher being to be capable of performing it. I am still here because the king requested it” I answered.   
It took a servant to get Monomon to leave. She was smart, if there would be one I could convince, it would be her, her loyalty lay by reason and the king gave her enough to fulfil the plan. But it was clear that he didn’t share all there was to know.   
the white lady’s presence lay thickly over me as if she was right beside me.   
“I welcome you, Spectra. Your presence is having a positive effect on hollownest” I heard her.  
“You must be aware of the mistake being made, Root. There must be a better way to solve your problem” I answered. An agreeing humming answered me.   
“I suppose it is to late to convince my beloved wyrm of this fact. I wish you the best of luck with such mission, for I have failed such.” She answered me. I thanked her and with that her presence faded to the background. Something was off, it felt so empty suddenly. When I turned around, they stood there, the knight. It was something about them that made my heart tear up with sadness and pain. It hurt to see them like this. I wanted to look away and leave this place of cruelty, but at the same time I could not keep my eyes off them. They were so familiar, so very perfect. A harmony between darkness and light. Just like me.  
“it is a pleasure to meet you, knight. I am sure you already know who I am” I said. They did not answer, only looked at me with a blank stare.  
“Not very talkative I see. Aren’t you the one who stood by the king’s side the day I arrived truly?” I asked. No answer, they simply looked at the bench. I tapped on the space beside me.  
“Please join me, the garden looks lovely from here” I said. They were hesitant yet did as I asked. A tired exhale left them, no voice, just air. I sat beside them quietly for a moment, observing them quietly.   
“this is one of my favourite places here so far, it reminds me of my home” I spoke after a moment. They looked at me with their big black eyes. I smiled and started telling about it, I was from a place called Rainfalls, there were thousands of waterfalls and many delicate and precious plants grew there with all the colour of the rainbow. They listened closely from what I could tell.  
“Lady Spectra, the king wants to speak with you” a servant suddenly said, interrupting me.   
“very well, I hope we will meet another time” I said to the knight and followed the servant to the throne room. The pale king sat on his throne, this time two of his kingsmoulds stood on either side of him. They were looking at me suspiciously.  
“lady Spectra, your followers told me you are very capable when it comes to combat” he spoke.   
“they claim a lot of things, Wyrm. I’m sure you are familiar with such yourself” I answered humbly.   
“that is true. But I would like to think those claims as true, for I would need them to help train my vessel into perfect form” he said.   
“Very well, I will try my best. But I cannot promise that a creature of light will be able to use my abilities” I answered. He smiled.  
“do not worry about that, I’m sure he’ll be the perfect pupil” the king answered. I looked at the kingsmoulds once again.  
“one question. How did you convince the void inside these armours to stay?” I asked, looking into their empty sockets.  
“I gave them a target” the king answered simply. It was only partly the truth. I bowed my head slightly in response.  
“very well, the training will begin tomorrow then” I said, he nodded.  
“Sleep well, Spectra” the king said. I exited, walked past the many pale pillars placed in the halls of the palace. My guest quarters were the same paleness, yet not for long. I spread my wings and the lustrous colour started dancing around in the room, I felt right at home. But one thing simply never seemed to leave my mind. Why did the king persist on letting his subjects and child do his bidding when he could solve it so much simpler? I suppose that once you’re a god you intend to stay one.


	2. Opposing forces

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You get to hold your first training lesson with them. It doesn't go that well on the second day...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really suck at writing combat in stories

In my dreams, she came to me, the radiance. She did not threaten me, nor did she attempt to make me part of her hive mind. She wanted to know if I was in alliance with the king or the queen. I told her I was in a forced alliance. It seemed to be enough for her and I woke up in a room lit in iridescent light. I got up. I was very glad that the time I said was so unspecific since I now had more than enough time to wake up fully before having to work physically. I still had to get used to this body, it had after all only been four days since I was ‘reborn.’ Suddenly there was a knock on my door.  
“Lady Spectra, the knights are awaiting you” I sighed softly and got dressed quickly. The servant led me.  
When I arrived, there were four knights waiting for me. Since Ogrim was exiled, I suppose these are the rest of the five great knights, although Dryya must be guarding the queen by this hour, since the queen’s gardens were not very safe. The servant and I stopped in front of them.   
“Loyal knights, may I present to you, Lady Spectra” he presented me. They turned to us and I could recognize Ze’mer as one from a neighbouring land. She must have done the same since her face expressed is clearly. I bowed to them all.   
“it’s a pleasure to meet you all” I said sweetly. They returned the gesture. Although I was only there for ‘the Pure Vessel,’ I did not mind meeting the other knights as well. The servant left me with them.   
“Very well then, shall we begin?” I asked, wanting to move on from the conversations.   
“Shouldn’t we introduce ourselves first?” Isma asked me carefully.   
“There is no need for it, your names are all very well-known to me” I answered. Their responses showed their humble nature.   
“but I must ask, why is it that you are present here? The king informed me of other circumstances” I asked.   
“We are here to test those claims made by your followers” Ze’mer answered. I smiled.   
It started with them giving me a nail. It would be me against all three knights. I picked up the slightly too small nail, it was a real weapon.   
“You want me to fight you with a real weapon?” I asked them surprised.   
“of course! That’s the motivational part behind it all” Hegemol said. They gave a countdown before Ze’mer charged at me; she was well versed with her special-made nail. I pulled out my two trusted curved hooks and went in defence. It took a moment for me to understand her pattern before countering. It was clear very quickly that Ze’mer knew the most about me since she could predict a few of my moves. Since I didn’t plan on hurting any of them, I simply hit them with the back of my hooks, it hurt a bit, but it wouldn’t draw blood nor leave a nasty wound. Both Hegemol and Isma were more careful when it came to attacking me, either for their own safety or my own. I scoffed at that.   
But it did not take long before it was over. I was victorious but very exhausted. I heard them applauding politely while I was desperately trying to catch my breath.  
“you fought very bravely, Lady Spectra” Isma spoke. I nodded while trying to stay on my legs and get air into my lungs.   
“It seems your followers and our kingdom are in good hands” Ze’mer said. I gave a one noise answer before, collapsing to my knees. A hand appeared in front of me, I looked up, it was Hegemol. I took it and he pulled me up effortlessly. I got a clap on my back.  
“Maybe you could show us some of those tricks too one day” he said with an honest smile. They left shortly thereafter and left me alone with the Vessel. They looked at me blankly before stepping closer.  
“We can start in a moment, just… give me a minute” I said before continuing my breathing. They stopped very closely before me and proceeded to give me a handkerchief. I took it.  
“thank you” I wiped a few sweat droplets from my forehead. Shortly thereafter I was back to being in as good a form as I could be.  
“Do excuse my sorry state, I have yet to get used to this body. Let us start with a small demonstration, show me everything you got” I said, getting ready. They nodded. Before I could say or do anything else, I had to block very quickly. Then they attacked with attacks that were clearly taught by the king, white magic in from of spears from the ground and dangerous exploding orbs. They then showed me their other side when suddenly void tentacles were reaching for me. Healing, however, was not part of their capabilities, nor were weapon long-ranged attacks.   
“Alright, thank you for the demonstration” I said, and they immediately stopped.  
“you’re very well versed, I can see that you were taught a good range of attacks, however, there are a few things that could make it even better. You only have two long-ranged attacks and they are both of magical origin and I do not see any attacks either that take advantage of both your abilities. Which is good for me, since I am basically an expert when it comes to such things” I said. They listened very carefully the whole time. We began that day with working on long-ranged, non-magic, attacks.   
They were a fast learner, however, apparently not fast enough for the kings liking. That day he had found the second dreamer. But Herrah was only won over for a child. I could understand that somewhat, but it would also mean that her child would grow up without a mother. I spent that day walking through the rest of the palace, exploring every corner and room. I soon came across a place filled with buzz saws and temporary platforms. I could hardly believe my eyes, what had a place like this to do in a palace?  
“the path of pain?” I whispered as a memory came flowing to me. I saw it in front of me as it all played out, every failure and every discarded body. A memory suppressed by everyone involved as it seems. I could feel my heart beating wildly as I saw the visions in front of me. Tears started streaming down my eyes. I sank to my knees.  
“Why?” I whispered, quietly, unheard. I knew the reasons, every single one of them and yet they were still not enough to satisfy me. There was no reason good enough to use such methods. In that moment I truly realized what kind of monster I had agreed to help. I walked back to my guest room, disgusted by me, disgusted with the king and disgusted with the plan.   
But on my way, there I bumped into someone who had it the worst. They looked at me with the same blank eyes, but I thought I saw concern in them. They once again pulled out the handkerchief and wiped away the tears on my cheeks. They were so polite and kind. I sniffled.  
“thank you” I said. It was a simple gesture, but it meant so much. They put it away and once again looked at me, now seemingly happier with my cheered-up expression. But the moment was cut short by a servant arriving beside us.   
“Pure vessel, the king is requesting you. It's urgent” she said. My guts twisted themselves together at that name. Pure vessel, such a degrading name. But I suppose it is ideal for what it represents. They nodded to the servant, before turning back to me and handing me the handkerchief.   
I was left alone again, but this time not as sad. I wiped away the last tear before heading to my guest room. Once there, I opened my wings and looked at the colours, it was something I had missed all day. I proceeded to paint the walls in those colours. To make the guest room my personal retreat, my room.   
Once I was done, I looked at my work. It was not a masterpiece, but it was enough to help me forget about the world for just another moment. I lay down in bed once again, feeling like I was back with my followers, my family.   
A loud knock on my door woke me up from my dreamless slumber. I shot up.   
“lady Spectra, the Vessel awaits you for your training session” the voice said. But we already had one today. I sighed and got up. I was once again escorted to the training area; they were patiently waiting for me there. They watched us approach peacefully. But they were not alone, the king was also there. The servant was dismissed, and I was alone with them.  
“you seem surprised, Lady Spectra” the king stated. He was not wrong about that.   
“I would like to be informed whenever there is a new person during my training session in the future” I answered. Not sure what to make of the situation. He chuckled.  
“I am not here to test you, lady spectra. I’ll simply observe” the king said, walking to the side. Sighed relived before continuing.  
“let’s continued with this mornings lesson then and try it out in combat” I suggested. They nodded slightly, even more carefully than before. I could feel them being even more strict and careful with their own actions than before. They launched their first attack.  
“good, let’s try it with a little bit more force” I suggested. They obeyed and it became a lot more lethal, I even had to teleport myself out of harm's way.   
“that was excellent” I said, reappearing behind them.   
“now let’s try that ten more times” I said with a smile. It was incredible how well they performed, I could sense how they were forgetting more and more about the king and simply getting into that focused zone. But as soon as the king opened his mouth, they froze immediately and got back to being reserved and cold.   
“It seems you got everything under control, I will leave you for the rest of it then” the king spoke before leaving. His pale light lingering in the air. I saw the effect he had on them and I decided to distract them somewhat from it. I opened my wings and they immediately transformed the king’s pale light into a spectrum of colours that fell all around them. The hollow knight looked at his surrounding with what looked like awe. Their eyes then fell back on me and hey observed my wings. Their eyes were filled with wonder. It broke my heart as soon as they reminded themselves to leave behind their emotions.   
“you know, the best way to be thoughtless is to be focused. I believe if you get back into being completely focused it will be easier for you” I suggested. They gave no reaction.  
“let’s resume the lesson,” I said defeated and folded back my wings. I was right, once they were back to complete focus it was easier for them to meet both their own lifegoal and my goal for today.   
“Alright, I think we are done for today,” I said, very exhausted. They stood however very elegantly beside me and nodded, no sign of fatigue. Why did they have to be so perfect? They caught me staring and I looked away while correcting my posture.   
“You performed very well today, good job,” I said. Suddenly I sensed something, the radiance. She was trying to get through to the palace. But the barrier protected us from being targeted, for now.   
“you know, there is something about the king's plan that is bothering me. how will he ensure that none of the dreamers gets infected before the…” I cut myself off, I am sure they would not mind me saying it, but I would mind it greatly. I looked back up at them, they were looking at something else in the distance, I followed their gaze. The pale king was observing us. The knight bowed to them. But I refused. He needed me more than I would need him and for me to bow to him would go against that. He must have heard our “conversation” and not liked what he heard, but what can I say? That could be a very plausible possibility.   
I left to take a bath, feeling the tension that built up in my body leave me was everything I needed at the moment. Although my fur would be heavy and incredibly damp afterwards it was worth it for a moment of serenity, away from the madness that was happening outside those pale white bathroom doors. I could feel myself doze off and eventually falling asleep. When I opened my eyes, I could see the radiance again, my involuntary enemy.  
“YOU ARE NOTHING BUT A TOOL FOR HIM,” she said, I knew.  
“Unlike him, however, I know not to overestimate myself” I answered. She stayed quiet.   
“This kingdom will shatter if you continue like this” I continued. There must be a way to stop them from involving the subjects in their fight for power.  
“I ONLY WANT WHAT IS MINE” she answered before disappearing. I woke up, someone was shaking me violently, apparently, I was drowning or appearing to do so. But it’s kind of hard for me to do since I don’t exactly breath the classical way.  
“Wake up, my lady, wake up!” she was screaming in my face while holding me by the shoulders and shaking me like an instrument. I blinked a few times before putting my hands on hers.  
“That will suffice, thank you,” I said. She looked relieved.   
“you’re alive” she stated happily.   
“it will take more than water to kill me, my friend” I said and sat up. She had pulled me out of the water, but my legs were still in it.   
“I suppose I should get dried off then” I said and stood up.   
“yes, of course, I will get you new robes” she said and scurried away. I don’t know if I should be relieved or not that the resident bugs don’t know anything about me, on the one hand, it means that misunderstandings will keep happening, but on the other, it will mean that I have an ace up my sleeve once it gets truly critical. The servant came back with a white dress, it was a high-low skirt with a backless top. I suppose I couldn’t really wear anything else. I put it on, very silky. The servant left and I was alone in the giant bathroom with an arched roof and flora creeping up the pillars around me. when I was done dressing, I could feel the top getting damp as well. I sighed.  
“nothing a little magic can’t fix” I said to myself. Before starting to spin around, little sparks started to appear as a soft glow started to come from me. I could feel my body getting lighter and turn faster. And suddenly, I was in the garden. Teleportation is the quickest way to dry off. The sparks and glow were still present and now flying around like fireflies. Illuminating the garden in shimmering and shine. I tucked away my wings and watched the sparks floating around me. I was not alone. When I turned to look who it was, I was pleasantly surprised. I never thought I would get to see Herrah in person before the ritual.   
“Good evening, Queen Herrah. It’s a pleasure to meet you” I said. She seemed surprised that I knew her name. Something told me she was not one to show many emotions. She nodded at me slightly.  
“Who are you?” she asked.   
“I am recognized as Lady Spectra or simply Spectra…” I began. She seemed to want more for an answer.  
“… I am also the current trainer of the knight” I added. I was not sure how else to title what I was doing here. That seemed to satisfy her.  
“I must admit, I never expected to see you here in the palace, as the queen of deepnest” I said.  
“I would not be here any longer than needed, trust me” she answered very quickly.  
“I understand you very well. I would rather be with my people too” I confessed, looking back in the direction of Silvertombs.   
“how come that one from so far away gets involved with this then?” she asked me rather bluntly.   
“I asked for a place to stay during my rebirth and I now have to repay it. I cannot leave before that, otherwise, I can risk getting cursed by the pale king” I answered. She hummed in response.  
“It was nice meeting you, Spectra,” she said my name somewhat awkwardly before turning to leave.  
“Likewise, I hope we get to meet another time, Herrah” I responded, copying her pronunciation of my name for her own. She did not seem to like or care for it and left without saying another word. I liked her, she seemed somewhat sane of mind and serious. Both qualities I could work with.   
The next morning came and I lay awake all night, thinking about what else I could call them, other than knight and vessel. They did not strike me as the type to mind a nickname. Shortly before my normal wake-up time, it hit me.  
“Phantom,” I said while sitting up in my bed. I smiled; it was really fitting in my opinion. I looked at the handkerchief that lay on my bedside table. I had enough time to refine my embroidery skills. I walked to the training hall and waited; it was the first time I was there before them. I decided to prepare everything for today. After a few minutes, they arrived, already dressed in armour.   
“Good morning, Knight. I have prepared a few things we could start off with. Since it is still early, I thought we could start with some simpler exercises” I said. They did not seem to mind. I do not think they would mind anything; I could probably tell them to run around the palace fifty-two times and they would not mind.  
“Great! Since you are a host to both light and darkness, I was thinking we could start with an exercise I love for getting these extreme opposites to cooperate. It is about finding an internal balance, imagine a point in your chest and try to make them orbit it” I said and demonstrated by closing my eyes and putting one hand on my chest while gesturing with the other. When I opened my eyes, I saw them imitating me. But the armour seemed to make it hard for them.  
“stop for a moment… I think it would be easier for you without the excessive armour” I said. They looked at it and then back at me.  
“Since we are in the first steps of learning a new trait, it would seem unnecessary to wear armour now.” I added. They seemed convinced and proceeded to take it off. It was weird to see the like this. But I had to focus.   
“let us try again, shall we? Together” I asked, they nodded.   
“you should feel a warmth building up in the point” I said and with those instructions, they seemed lost. I put my hand on theirs to try to feel for anything.  
“try again” I ordered. They tried and then shook their head. I pondered for a moment on what to do before taking their hand and putting it on my chest.   
“let me show you” I said and closed my eyes. Then I felt them starting to pet me instead. I opened my eyes in confusion and saw them clearly fawning over the miracle that was my fur. Their expression was priceless, awe and glee. I chuckled slightly.  
“Yes, I know, I am very fluffy and soft” I said. They nodded before stopping and focusing again.   
“okay, now, can you feel the warmth?” I asked and put their hand over the spot. They nodded again.   
“I am achieving this by imagining a white and black spot merging together to one grey spot” I explained. They looked at me with a look of confusion.  
“what is it you don’t understand?... right, you do not speak, never mind, I’m sorry” I said, getting slightly frustrated with the situation and thinking about what else to do. They looked at me with an apologetic look.  
“okay, let’s try to do it externally instead” I said with a softer tone to try to break the growing tension.  
“this could get a little bit more dangerous, but it doesn’t involve imagination, so I think you will like it” I said. They nodded carefully. I put out my hands in front of me.  
“we will try the same thing as before, merge one black with a white ball” I said while doing it. It did not turn out grey, but instead as a shimmering ball of colours. They seemed to like the demonstration.  
“now, it’s your turn” I said while making the ball disappear and giving them my full attention. They reflected my actions and stretched out their arms. A small white ball appeared and a massive black one.   
“stop there” I said. Putting my hands on their arms.  
“You need to try to balance them so that they are about the same size” I explained. They tried again and now it the balls were more equal.   
“good” I said. They then moved to merge them. They formed a grey mass with a pale glow.   
“Very good! Now, let us try to shape it” I said, almost leaning against their shoulder. It was slowly turning into a blade. I did not hide my excitement and they even seemed encouraged by it. but suddenly the shape exploded. I could feel myself being flung through the air. The landing was hard and forced all air to leave my body. I opened my eyes that I had instinctively shut. They landed a lot further away from me, I stood up and teleported over to them.   
“Are you alright?” I asked them, they did not move much. They were hunched over. I turned them to look at what they were doing. Oh god. Their forearm was broken, and they held it together with their hand. A black substance was leaking from it.  
“show me your arm” I demanded, they refused. I tried to grab it with my hand and they just pushed it away.  
“show me” I said slightly harsher. I took it, they had a protesting look on their face. It was as if they did not want me to touch it and had nothing to do with the pain. The black liquid ran over my arm. My arm changed to be a dark black. I ignored it and wrapped both my hands around the wound. I focused on the wound. When I let go of their arm, it was all better. They looked at their arm and then over to my blackened hands. A look of concern washing over their big eyes.   
“There is a reason I am doing this” I said, and I simply shook my hands and it was all gone. They seemed delighted to see that. But something was weighing heavy on them.   
“You know what? That was enough shock for today. You need to rest that arm of yours too” I said and stood up. I offered them my hand, they looked up at me before taking my hand. I pulled them up.   
“How about you show me your favourite place, since you already know mine?” I suggested. They seemed to like that idea.   
“let’s go then” I said, and we walked side by side. I kept a close eye on their arm. I think they misunderstood, and it ended with them holding my hand. I melted internally; they were too sweet.


	3. Blinded by the light

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The king gives you a new task since he believes you will otherwise ruin his work. You complete it, but your reward is not what you assumed it to be. You meet a new yet anticipated person. The hollow knight appears to even accept your nickname for them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PLEASE READ THIS FOR MORE INFO!  
Before you continue with the story I wanted to give a short explanation. Have you noticed that Spectra has been referred to as Penumbra? This has a reason, as it is part of the phases of an eclipse. Penumbra is when both darkness and light are at equal levels or are both at their weakest. An Umbra is when the light is completely covered and an Antumbra is when the darkness is the most covered. I used these to flesh out the character. She has, therefore, three forms, all respectively named after the phases, but all three of them are referred to as Spectra.  
The name spectra can be explained later on if there would be the need.  
Additionally, I believe time works a little bit different for them than normally. So things outside the castle happen faster and the closer to the surface one gets, the faster time passes. I.e: a day in the Palace could be a month in deepnest and the hive and around a year in dirtmouth.

I walked with them through the halls. Still holding their hand. I looked at the walls that were decorated with paintings and carvings. We walked up a pair of stairs and into the hall where the path of pain lay.  
“Are we going through there?” I asked nervously. They shook their head. I relaxed. Instead, they gathered me in their arms, and I held on for dear life. Before I could say anything, we were somewhere else. It was beautiful. They gently put me back down and turned to the large balcony that opened to an even more beautiful view. I gasped slightly. But before I could take another step I was hit by a memory. It was the young knight together with the king. I did not know how to react.   
“Is this your secret meet-up with the king?” I asked carefully. They did not react immediately but then turned to me and nodded.   
“Your father” I added quietly. They did not react. But something told me that they were both regretting and looking for something. They were conflicted with themselves. It hurt to see them like this.  
“there has to be another way” I wished quietly. They heard it anyway. I felt their hand on my cheek, trying to comfort me.   
“You’re not making this any easier by being so thoughtful, you know,” I said with a forced chuckle. Their hand left my cheek. They did not seem to like that compliment. Immediately they changed and went to self-punishment, they repeatedly hit their head.   
“hey! What are you doing stop it!” I said while trying to make them seize their action. I held their arms away from their head with force. Too much force apparently and a crack like a twig snap could be heard. I had rebroken the arm. Guilt flooded my entire body and tears came back to my eyes.  
“No, no, no, no. I’m sorry, I am truly sorry” I said while focusing on it again and healing it. The arm was once again whole, but there was some void dripping from it. I took the handkerchief they had given me, with the embroidered “P” on it, and wiped it all off. They spotted the “P” and held onto it before giving me a questioning look. I looked away, my face betraying me.   
“That’s just so I remember from who I got it,” I said. They cocked their head.   
“You know, “P” for… Phantom” I said and right as I said it, I realized I could’ve just said “Pure.” They looked back down at the handkerchief and then back up at me. I waited for a scolding or some sort of it. But they folded it gently together and put it away. They then bowed their head to me, as some sort of “thank you” I believe. 

We sat in that balcony for at least two more hours. I was telling stories about my travels and a little bit about myself. After all, they would neither misuse nor tell anyone else about it, so I trusted them almost more than my own followers. I really liked this, to have someone to talk to that was quietly listening. They seemed to like it too since listening did not involve anything but focus.   
I could feel them slowly drifting off beside me and I felt a weight on my head, they had fallen asleep and were now leaning against my head. Although that was somewhat of a hit to my ego I did not truly mind being short this time. I used the opportunity to inspect the arm we had broken twice in one day. It looked all right, there would be a faint scar, but it would soon be back in top form.  
Suddenly there was a noise behind us, it was the pale king. I turned around and saw him fully enraged.   
“WHAT do you think you’re doing?” he asked, his otherwise calmness exchanged with rage. Phantom woke up and bolted straight up when they saw the king.  
“Are you aware of what danger you are putting the kingdom in?” he asked me, stepping right up. I could not answer I was in shock and confusion, what did he mean?   
“Stay away from the Vessel from now on” he threatened me. All three of us then teleported to the throne room, where Monomon and Lurien stood, he must be the final dreamer. He was from the city of tears. He bowed to us.  
“It’s a pleasure to meet you, I am Lurien, the watcher” he introduced himself.   
“You abandoned your spire in hopes to protect your beloved city and serve your king, how admirable,” I said, proving that I already knew who he was. Lurien went quiet but got somewhat flattered.  
“Since the king is no longer in need of my services, wouldn’t it be better if I leave?” I asked the Pale king somewhat rebellious in my tone.   
“No, your services are still needed. Since you failed your current one, I will find another one soon” he said. I was dismissed. I acknowledged Monomon and Lurien with a nod before leaving. Something inside me did not want to leave the knight though. I could feel their eyes on the back of my head. Once Herrah gave birth, it would all be over.   
I went to my room and lay down on the bed. Thinking about what I could do.   
“You sabotaged their mission, didn’t you?” a familiar voice asked, it was the white lady. I sat up.  
“I did not mean to, even though I disagreed with it, I knew there is no other option anymore,” I told her. I thought for a moment.  
“I don’t even know how I would’ve ruined it” I confessed to her.   
“for his plan, he needs a blank slate, no thoughts nor mind for the radiance to control” the lady explained.   
“If by treating them as an equal I ruined a plan, I am not sorry. A plan like that is made to fail” I said determinedly. She said nothing. Then I thought about the kingsmoulds I see around the palace.  
“how come the pale king doesn’t use one of his void servants to fight the radiance then?” I asked her. No answer. I suppose she as much in the dark as I am about what is going on in the mind of the king.   
“Although he is my beloved, he holds many secrets, even from me,” she said, her voice sounding sadder than before.   
“I see. Thank you, root, it is lovely to hear from you again” I said, and our contact seized. I did not want to live this day anymore so went to sleep early. But there had to be something I could do; the infection was spreading faster and the first citizens of the city of tears were being infected. Did the king know about the sacrifices of souls that were being performed in the city? I will tell him tomorrow.   
I spent the night once again communicating with the Radiance, she was busy spreading her name through the minds of bugs and it appeared too late to try to convince her with words of reason. So now the king’s plan was the only resolution.   
I woke up the next morning with the least amount of motivation fathomable. I had to do something, something to help the people. I could sense the child that Herrah was bearing and I knew that there was not much time until it would be born. A knock on the door woke me from my thoughts.   
“the king wants to speak with you” the servant spoke. I got up, threw on a robe and followed the servant to the throne room where the king was waiting. The king had his loyal vessel beside him and the two dreamers. After a moment of silence, he spoke.  
“do you think you could defeat the radiance?” he asked me. I was taken aback by that question.  
“Excuse me?” I said, thinking I did not understand.   
“Can you defeat the radiance?” he asked again, this time a bit slower. I thought for a moment.   
“she has a lot of control at the moment” I said. He stayed quiet. I thought for another moment, this could give us time.  
“I can definitely hurt her gravely. But I can’t snuff her out” I said. He seemed consent with that answer. The two dreamers relaxed visibly as their shoulders dropped.   
“Then that is your new task then, fight the radiance. I will open- “   
“There will be no need for that, I can get to her myself” I cut off the king. He did not seem to mind since it meant there was less work for him. Before I turned to leave, I felt it, the child was born.   
“Royal Wyrm, before I go. You should send a troop to the city of tears. There is a group convinced that soul is the key to surviving the infection” I said. Before I left the room, I turned on final time.  
“Congratulations to the birth of your healthy daughter” I added. He said nothing. I left. Maybe it was not such a good idea to share all that with him. A servant ran past me, the king must have given the order. I now needed a big space and I do not think I will find one in the palace.   
“Lady Spectra!” I heard from behind me, it was Monomon. I stopped and waited for her to catch up with me.  
“How did you know about that?” she asked me.  
“I can see every action of the past and presence. Which is also why I know about your apprentice, Quirrel.” I explained. For me there was no black and white, I knew every reason for every action, which gives every person their reasons to perform what they do.  
“However, I cannot look into the future, I am exactly as oblivious to is as everyone else,” I said. At this point she should as well know, so she does not assume anything. She nodded.  
“I see, so you know about what happened to the other vessels?” she asked me, I nodded.   
“Everything from the past is known to me” I clarified once again. Then I remembered why I was walking here again.  
“Do you know any large areas outside of the palace?” I asked her. She looked surprised but thought for a moment.  
“For meeting the radiance, I suppose you should go to crystal peak” she suggested. I nodded.  
“Tell them to send a knight there to collect my body, it will take a lot of power and I might pass out,” I said and before she could protest, I was at crystal peak. It was very pretty I must admit. But for me it was becoming more dangerous the longer I looked and the more I thought about what would happen in a moment. I closed my eyes and focused on what I wanted to do, enter the dream world. It sounded less dreadful than it was.   
I was meat by a loud scream. I looked around for the source but everything I saw was clouds and pillars. Then I saw her, the radiance. She was like a sun in the sky and I knew I had to change.  
Penumbra would be no match to the light, but Umbra would. The darkness spread through my body and I felt a new wave of confidence rush over me. She screamed at me once again before making her first move of attack, a light beam. She was not in for a good time.

I fell on the ground. I screamed, loud and painfully. I had won but lost my eyesight. I could feel the ground move before I collapsed. 

The only way I knew I was awake was that my head and eyes hurt like hell. There was also a presence in the room. It was the pale king.  
“Your wish has been fulfilled, the radiance has lost a pair of wings and enough blood to fill the blue lake twice,” I said. He seemed happy with that answer and stood up to leave.  
“However, I am not capable of leaving in this state” I added.   
“Then stay, you have a room after all,” he said, I do not know if that was harsh or friendly. But it felt like both. The door clicked shut. I was alone.   
I was blind. I could not believe it. I wanted to cry but it hurt. There was a bandage over them. I heard the door open once again. It was Hegemol. He had carried me here.  
“Thank you for carrying me back,” I said as he entered. Even though I could not see I still knew what happens in the presence. I could basically still see, just not with my eyes.   
“oh, of course, it’s what we do,” he said. I tried to stand up, but I noticed too late that the edge was further to the left and fell off the bed. He rushed over  
“Easy now, you don’t have to rush it. You don’t have to be anywhere” he said as he carefully helped me up. I was back to being Penumbra. I must have changed once I was unconscious.   
“True, but I don’t want to risk falling asleep, not after the last time I was there” I answered. He chuckled slightly as he kneeled beside the bed.  
“I doubt your dreams will be sweet tonight. The dream bug will definitely bite back tonight” he teased slightly. I huffed. I stood up and went to leave. But before he did, he turned back.  
“Before I forget. There will be a celebratory meal this evening for you” he said.  
“Oh okay. Thank you” I answered, and he dismissed himself. I waited for another moment before standing up. I would not stay in a room any longer than needed. I feared sleeping now. I stumbled out the door and suddenly felt a new presence getting closer. I quickly rushed back into my room. The slamming of the door must have given me away because they soon entered. I hid behind the door. But was soon found out anyway. It was Phantom. I could not sense it, but I knew as soon as I felt a familiar scar on their arm. They “looked” like a black shadow of themselves now.  
“I’m sorry I thought you were someone else,” I said. They hugged me carefully before inspecting my bandage.  
“It’s okay. I am all right. Apart from losing my sight that is” I said. They went over it carefully with their fingers. Before hugging me once again. They started petting my fur once again. I was convinced the hugs were partly for them to go through my fur. In the distance I could sense something different, Herrah was once again present in the castle and this time she was not alone. The shout of a little girl could be heard through the Palace halls.  
“Is that the child I’m hearing?” I said. They let go off me and took my hand instead. They lead me through the corridors and right to where I heard the girl. Then I sensed her, she was so tiny. Her name was Hornet.   
“Who is that?” she asked Phantom. They must already know each other. Her voice was adorable. I kneeled.  
“Hello there, Hornet. I’m Spectra” I said.   
“What’s wrong with your eyes?” she asked and went forward to touch the bandage.   
“They are really badly hurt” I answered and stood back up, so she will not try anything.   
“Are you blind?” she asked another question.   
“I’m afraid I am” I answered and took hold of Phantom’s arm for later navigation purposes.   
“Are you sure? But how did you know where knight was?” she asked.  
“I could sense it” I answered.   
“Really? Can you sense where I am?” another question.   
“Of course, I can, you are right in front of me and around three rooms away from your mother,” I said. She turned around to check.   
“You know my mother?” she asked. She was so in awe with my answers. I just wanted to hug her.   
“Yes, she is the mother to the bravest little girl I know” she seemed not to like that answer.   
“I am not little!” she protested. A chuckle left me.   
“Of course not. What was I thinking?” I entertained her. But shortly thereafter Herrah came.   
“Good evening, Herrah. It’s nice to see you again” she seemed tired and sad.   
“I heard about what you’ve done. That was very brave of you, thank you” she sounded so sincere.   
“It was worth it, being able to give everyone more time,” I said. She agreed with a humming.  
“Hornet come now,” she said to Hornet. They both left. I turned to Phantom.   
“You don’t mind holding on to you for navigation purposes, do you?” they shook their head.   
“She was cute, I liked her” I commented on Hornet. Then I heard someone behind me. Phantom turned us around, it was Monomon.   
“Oh, here you are! I was looking for you, Spectra” she said and came closer.  
“I wanted to meet the little Hornet; she seems very sweet,” I said.   
“You should have seen the knight play with her,” she said. I turned back to Phantom, they shrugged.  
“They were so adorable!” she added. I nudged Phantom slightly.   
“Why was it that you wanted to see me?” I asked her.   
“I wanted to see how you were doing. What happened to your eyes?” she asked.  
“Well, you see. I was permanently blinded by the light. But otherwise, I feel fine.” I said. I was getting slightly bitter now.   
“You did marvellously” she complimented me.  
“I only hope the time can be used to its most,” I said.   
“I don’t think the date for the event has changed in the slightest. The king wanted only you to weaken the light enough for him to have an easier job” she said lowly. I moved closer to Phantom, not wanting to believe her words. I had the right to more time with Phantom. I just had to get it. Because I was the reason we had it. I had to. I…


	4. A vow of eternity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The last days go by and the white lady tells you the true intentions of the plan. You realise what has to happen, but it conflicts with what you have done.

Monomon left me and Phantom. I was silently holding on to their side. They nudged me slightly. I did not want to let them go, I wanted them to stay for longer, I needed Phantom by my side. I hugged them tightly.  
“I can’t let you go, Phantom” I whispered. They wrapped their arms around me and started to rub soothing circles over my back. Something told me they did not want to either. It might have just been my own projection.  
Phantom then broke up the hug and started to lead me somewhere.  
“where are you taking me?” I asked, trying to orient myself via memories. Phantom gave no clue and just continued to lead me through the halls. Their tempo sped up and I had no choice but to speed up as well. Eventually, we were in a room I was unfamiliar with. They sat me down on a couch before taking off their armour.   
“What are you doing?” I asked. They sat down beside me and leaned against me. Their scarred hand resting in my palms. I was not sure how to react to this. Was this their way of showing affection? Was I starting to like them? Is this what it felt like? I nestled my head closer to them and just enjoyed the moment. Their relaxed breathing getting me to calm down somewhat. Maybe they just liked that I was very gentle with them and showed them care they did not really have otherwise. That made the most sense to me. I could smell the flowers of the garden through the window as a soft breeze came through. I was engulfed in their cloak and shielded from the surrounding.  
“Have I told you about the flora of rainfalls?” I asked, wanting to tell a story. They shook their head and I started telling the story. Apparently, they just wanted to enjoy the silence since they soon pulled me closer to stop me from telling the story. I started giggling.   
“Fine, maybe another time then?” I asked and they nodded before falling back down. They were rather cuddly, how cute. I think they wanted me to enjoy a quiet moment with them since they saw how upset I became when Monomon said the time would be limited, how thoughtful. I smiled as a warmth started to build up in both my chest and cheeks. But while we were laying there, the memory of the fight with the radiance came back and what she had done to the bugs of Hollownest, it had been an accident. But it was still terrifying. So, with me laying here with the only hope for this place was maybe not the best idea. But then Phantom would have to deal with that, for the rest of eternity.   
“The king’s plan is just a temporary resolution, Spectra. There might come a day when one comes to defeat the Radiance for good. There is no other option anymore, you came too late for that, I’m sorry” the white lady told me. It sounded like she knew what she was talking about as if she had tried herself.  
“There must be another way then if this is only temporary. This question of time, right? I could fight it again.” I told her, feeling the desperation arise and the painful tears return.  
“We both know you’re too weak. The void does not hold the power either to conquer her either. She must be sealed away and your Phantom is the only hope we have. Since the others have already been killed off” the lady continued. I tried to calm my breathing so that they would not notice it.   
“If you want to make it easier for them, then do not give them a reason to miss their life before their objective. I know it is hard, I had to learn that too” she said before her presence faded away again. I lay beside Phantom, the Vessel. Not sure if I should enjoy the moment or get up. They answered that for me when they drew me closer. I would have the blood of the people on my hands. Then I heard something, Ze’mer, she was in the queen’s garden by a freshly dug grave and mourned. She had lost her love. Was she, Armillaria, the reason Ze’mer was here?   
I tried to push myself away from the Vessel, they just pulled me closer. Did they want to stay like this? I panicked slightly, had I already done it? I was both happy and scared. I had to produce an excuse to end this.  
“I’m hungry, can we go to dinner?” I asked. They let go off me gently and got up to put their armour back on. I stood up to help them, but they refused the help and swiftly put on their armour before offering me their arm to hook into.  
“thank you,” I said, they nodded, and we walked to the dinner. The others were already eating when I was seated. I sat beside the king and across from Hornet.   
“You’re late” he stated. Was he suspecting something?  
“I know, I apologize. The vessel helped me find here after I had trouble for quite a while” I lied. No one protested and it seemed to lower his suspicion too.  
“Did you walk into a wall?” Hornet jokingly asked. I needed that right now.  
“Yes, but that was yesterday when I still could see” I answered. That earned a little giggle from her. Dessert was being served and I took a huge serving. I might need to go into hibernation soon to heal my eyes. I ate three full plates of just desert. Hornets eyes got very big.   
“That is quite a lot of food, is there a reason for it?” Monomon asked me, her scientific mind wanting answers.   
“since I will soon need to return to a chrysalis, I need the food to be able to create one” I answered.   
“You don’t need to be a caterpillar for that?” Herrah asked. I shook my head while continuing to shovel in food.  
“can I get a crystal too?” Hornet asked innocently.   
“I can give you a crystal if you’d like” I answered. The king seemed uncomfortable. Her eyes lit up. The dinner was otherwise rather uneventful. When it ended I walked to Hornet and Herrah.   
“Do you mind if I give her this?” I asked Herrah and showed her a little crystalized figurine of Hornet. She smiled.   
“No, go ahead. Hornet would you like your gift?” she asked her girl. I bowed down to her and showed her the figurine. She took it.  
“Thank you, lady,” she said.   
“No problem, Hornet” I answered. she took it and started playing with it. They would go back to Deepnest until the ritual. She would grow a lot until then. I stood back up and walked aside. The pale king approached me.  
“Is something the matter, Wyrm?” I asked, feeling their presence beside me.   
“If you truly are as blind as you claim, you would need a helping hand, wouldn’t you?” he asked. I huffed.   
“I am honoured by your offer, but I will have to decline it since it would be below your standing” I answered.  
“I was not planning on doing it but thank you. One of the knights will get that honour instead” he said. I felt the presence of Ze’mer getting closer. I turned to her with concern.   
“Lady Spectra, shall we?” she asked, her voice still interlaced with sadness. I took the hand she was offering me, and she led me out.  
“I’m deeply sorry for your loss, my dear,” I said after a while. She nodded. We reached my room.  
“Wait here please, I think there is something that could honour your love,” I said. I felt around in my room for a small bag of seeds. The seeds for the delicate flowers of our home. I gave them to her.  
“these might be worthy to honour Armillaria, they should grow beautifully in this soil,” I said.   
“thank you, my lady,” she said and broke back out in tears. I hugged her. She left after a while and I had no choice but to go to sleep. Tomorrow I would have to forget all about the hollow knight and spend the day doing something else. 

The next day I spent in the garden, in the company of Isma. She told me stories of Hollownest and the exiled knight Ogrim. I knew that she was still in love with him.   
“Can I tell you a secret Isma?” I asked her, she stopped her story to listen.  
“You aren’t the only one who is hopelessly in love,” I said. She was both intrigued and flustered at the same time. She then tried to pry the answer from me. But I could not tell her. Not if life meant anything to me. She switched shift with Hegemol after half the day.  
“Tomorrow is the ritual, isn’t it?” I asked him while in the same room I was in yesterday with the Vessel.   
“Yeah, it will be a sad day,” he said.  
“How fitting, I will go into hibernation tomorrow too,” I said, sitting on the same couch once again.   
“What? Really, why is that?” he asked.  
“I want to go home soon and for that, I need my eyes back in working order” I half-lied. I wanted to go home, but I also wanted to wait until the day Phantom could come with me.  
“I see. We will be missing you a lot” he said.   
“I was barely here for two weeks; I think I’ll be easy to forget,” I said.  
“What an impression you’ve made. The king was fuming every second day because of you. It was hilarious” he said jokingly. I chuckled. He was trying to cheer me up since I must be rather gloomy too.   
“I’m hungry, could you please lead me to the kitchen?” I asked.  
“I have a better idea; I’ll bring it to you. Any wishes?” he asked.   
“as long as it is a warm meal, I’m happy,” I said. He nodded and walked out, leaving me alone. I wonder if he just did that to get a moment of silence. I heard the door open again.  
“That was quick, what did you- Vessel? what are you doing here?” I asked, standing up. They were standing beside the couch, looking at me. There was silence for a moment before they stepped closer.   
“Were you looking for me?” I asked, dreading the answer. They gave no answer instead only stepped closer.   
“Did something happen?” I asked, they shook their head and tried to reach for my hands.   
“Why are you looking for me then?” I asked. They stopped their motion and looked at themselves and then back up at me. We might’ve both realised the problem at the same time.   
“You... you are not pure anymore and it’s my fault. I am… I am sorry. I just couldn’t stand being away from you” I said, tears running down. I could feel their panic and shock.   
“You… you should leave” I said through sobs. They did so, but very hesitantly. I then fell to my knees and started crying even more. What have I done? The worst possible scenario has come true. 

Hegemol came back with a steaming bowl of soup. I sat on the couch, having calmed down.   
“Here you go, one bowl of delicious- Hey, have you been crying? What happened?” he asked. I told him a lie since the truth would not be acceptable. I ate three more times that night and knew I would need a giant breakfast the next day for my chrysalis to be perfect.   
I lay awake that night thinking about everything that would be positive about tomorrow, I would get to see Hornet again, I would get to say goodbye to everyone, I would get to eat a lot and I would get to go into hibernation. I closed my eyes repeating these reasons to try to not think about Phan- the vessel anymore. It did not work, but I fell asleep anyway. A dreamless sleep taking over.

I woke up early that day, so I decided to use the time to create something. I sat down by a window and carefully looked for the needle and thread I had left there. On a velvety fabric, I embroidered the first letter of my name. It took longer than it would normally since I could only see what I already had done. When I was done, I put it in my dress. I took off my bandage and covered my eyes with a veil instead. I must have looked like a bride dressed in all white whit a veil. But I did not feel like one and neither did the rest of the castle. Already a gloominess lingered in the air in anticipation for what would unfold today.   
I walked outside my room, guided by a feeling. The halls were invisible to me since they held no presence, but I saw them in my memory and that was enough to help me. I now knew where I was subconsciously heading. To the place that the Vessel had shown me. I closed my eyes and landed there once again. The air was different here, it felt pure and untouched by any worry or distress that was filling the world around it. I stood on the balcony all alone. Reminiscing in memories that were both already present and my own. From what I now saw was I not the only one who got attached to the Vessel, it seems the king himself has already made that same mistake.   
Then I saw another memory. It was me and them. It was from their perspective. A warm feeling started to fill me up again and I felt a fluttering in my stomach. The memory must have been strong since I could feel their presence through it. But it was not the memory, they were truly here. I knew it as soon as I heard their footsteps. A silent gasp escaped me. I was not sure whether to try and keep them away from me or not, but since it was already too late, I decided to at least be supportive. I smiled.  
“I hoped I would get to see you again, even if it would only be through memory,” I said, turning to them. They were keeping a distance from me. I approached them carefully. They did not move away.  
“I never got around to teach you everything I had planned, but from what I have seen what you’re truly capable of, I supposed you won’t need it anyway,” I said. They just looked at me. My head dropped low and my whole body lost hope.  
“I at least hope that I made your burden easier by weakening the radiance…” I said. Their hands brushed against my own. I took them and held them to my heart.   
“…since you made being sightless easier for me” I continued. I felt their head lean against mine very carefully. I enjoyed the moment in silence with them. They suddenly jerked up and pulled away one of their hands.  
“what happened?” I asked. With one hand, they held my hand open and then placed something in it with the other, before closing my other hand around it.   
“what is it?” I asked with a giggle. I felt it carefully, the “P” embroidered on it gave it away, but there was something inside it as well. I carefully opened it and felt around, there was a round form bound to a chain.  
“Is it a necklace?” I asked they nodded. Then I saw the memory: it was a black sphere on a silver chain. They took my free hand and placed it to their chest. I noticed then that the black void had disappeared from the fabric.  
“is it made from the void?” I asked. They held me even closer.  
“is it from your blood?” I asked. They nodded. It was somewhat creepy, but it was probably the most personal thing they could have gotten me.  
“that is very thoughtful of you, thank you,” I said. They put it around my neck, it felt as if they were now constantly with me. Then I remember my project from this morning and pulled it out.   
“I think it’s only fair if you get something to remember me by too,” I said and held it out. They took it.  
“wait,” I said and took their needle and pricked one of my fingers. A few drops landed on the fabric and an iridescent glow started to spread over the fabric.  
“Now we’re blood bound, I will pledge my loyalty to you until the end of time,” I said as I closed my hands around their one hand. They put their other hand on top of mine as if to say, “and I to you.” The memory then flooded my mind and I could see it out of their perspective. In their eyes, I really felt beautiful, like how the chef and the housekeeper felt for each other just two floors above us.   
“what?” I said as that flooded my mind. I was brought back by a confused looking Vessel.  
“I’m sorry, I just got hit by another person’s memory from two floors above,” I explained. They seemed to accept that explanation.   
“The problem with knowing everyone else’s memories is that it can sometimes be hard to find the distinction between them and my own,” I said. While it was very fun to know, it would also mean that I do not always know how I should act with another person.   
“but with you, I know for certain that it is my own, since every time I feel you near or every time I think of you, my heart flutters a little more” I confessed. They hugged me and I was under their long cloak, as close to their heart as I could be and that was all I ever wanted. But everything I should never have.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I gave another character a name, I'm sorry but I had to. The name comes from a mushroom if someone is interested. the largest parasitic mushroom growth in the entire world to be exact. But it sounded really pretty so I went with it.


	5. Is this our goodbye?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You get a task that prolongs the painful time you are awake and you share your thoughts with the king.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this one is shorter than the others because I still need to find my notes for what happens later. I can't write little kids even if my life depends on it so Hornet might come off weird.

We walked down to join the rest. All three dreamers, Hornet and the king were there. Sitting together by a filled table. Their discussions were about the process of today and what would happen. That was also why Hornet was on the brink of sleep.  
“thank you for waiting,” I said while the Vessel helped me sit down.   
“Of course. Lady spectra, when did you plan on going to hibernation?” The king asked.  
“ideally today” I answered. The king exchanged looks with Herrah, I knew what was coming.  
“Would you be able to take care of Hornet, for at least as long as it would take to find another caretaker?” Herrah asked me. Straight to the point once again. I sensed how Hornet was playing with the Vessel beside me.  
“I will try my best,” I said. She nodded.   
“Will you partake in the ritual?” Lurien asked me. This was our first true interaction.  
“I doubt that neither I nor Hornet would like to witness it, no offence” I responded. I should probably get to know Hornet better so that she gets more used to my visage.   
“If you’ll excuse me,” I said and stood up. I went to the playing half-siblings. I waited until I had their attention.   
“Hello Hornet, I’m not sure if you remember me. But I gave you a little figurine” I said.   
“I do, you’re Spectra, right? The one the king dislikes so much?” she asked. I sighed.  
“I suppose, we can’t all be his favourite after all” I said. She smiled smugly.  
“You don’t really like him” she stated. I put a finger to my mouth, she giggled.  
“It’s okay, I can’t stand him either” she whispered. I liked her a lot more already.   
“What were you to doing over here?” I asked the two of them. I felt the eyes of the king on the back of my head, I should not interact with the Vessel.   
“Knight was showing me some cool needle tricks,” Hornet said.   
“Can you show them to me?” I asked her. She agreed and gave intricate explanations with each one. It ended with her showing me all her “special moves” and urging me to show her my tricks. I ended up showing her a little light show and simple hand tricks with my trusty curved hooks.   
Since I could not go to hibernation for another day, I spent the time with Hornet instead of eating. But when the time came for Herrah to go, I felt uneasy.   
“Hornet stay here with Spectra now” she told her child.   
“But why can’t I go with you?” Hornet asked her. A silence befell the room.  
“I think it’s better if you give her an explanation, she deserves it” I said. Herrah seemed to agree and kneeled before Hornet. I did not listen, I simply could not, because my mind was filling with regrets and impossible scenarios. I was about to lose Vessel, my Phantom. I turned to them; I could sense their nervousness as they tried to empty themselves so they would feel nothing. Turned to the king; he was getting more nervous and desperate with every word that left Herrah’s mouth.   
Then I felt a small embrace around my legs, it was Hornet. I picked her up and she cried into my shoulder while holding on to my fur.   
“Take care of my little girl now, Spectra” Herrah said. I bowed my head and offered her a smile.  
“Of course,” I responded. She eyes wandered from her fellow dreamers to the hollow knight, to the king, to me and Hornet. She was the first to leave. Then it was Lurien’s turn. His farewell was less emotional, at least for me. Since I did not talk much with him.   
“It was nice meeting you, Spectra, I hope we can one day talk about history together” Monomon said with a sad smile. We both knew that that day would not come. I offered her a hand and when she took it, I pulled her closer and leaned close to her head.   
“these bonds are only to prolong the wait until the radiance takes over, Monomon. A static river will die” I said before letting go of her and standing back up.  
“You should really gift Quirrel something for his loyalty to you, he has earned it, he is a good kid” I said with a smile. Hornet, who was still on my arm, looked at us confused.  
“Who is Quirrel?” she asked. Monomon chuckled sadly.   
“I can tell you that and more later. But for now, you should probably tell her goodbye” I said to Hornet. She obliged.  
“Goodbye Monomon, it was nice to meet you,” she told her and waved. With her gone, the King stood up from his throne and commanded the attention of the three of us. He turned to me and Hornet.  
“You too will not be coming with us” he ordered. I kept quiet. But as soon as they started to leave the room I could not anymore.  
“WHY COULDN’T YOU JUST GIVE HER BACK HER SUBJECTS?! WE WOULDN’T BE IN THIS MESS IF YOU WEREN’T THAT SELFISH!” all my emotions burst out and I told him how I felt exactly about his stupid plan. Tears were streaming down my face and a few drops landed on Hornet. She would not have existed, and neither would Phantom. But I would have my eyes and these people would have a future. The king was clearly fuming and ready to shout back, but something held him back and he instead turned around and walked out. Phantom looked at us for a moment before following the king. The doors slammed shut behind them and I was left with a shocked Hornet.  
I hugged her and fell to my knees. She was now the one to comfort me. I did not want to live like this anymore.   
“Come back Phantom, please” But I had to fight on, for Hornet. I looked up at her and wiped away my tears. She looked at me with her big, black eyes.   
“I’m sorry, did I scare you?” I asked her.   
“Who is Phantom?”


	6. The second chrysalis

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You are too weak to care for Hornet any longer. While your body is starting the process of crystalizing you try your best to find a new home for the little child.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Minor warnings for slight description on what happens during the spread of the crystals. I still cannot write young children, so Hornet might come off as weird.  
Another short one, I'm sorry, but I guess this is how it is now.

I sat on the bed with Hornet. She leaned against me while I was stroking her head. She was sleeping, indicated by her soft breathing. I felt bad for her, she had gone through so much for her young age. Maybe I should stay with her and be there for her instead of going away. But at the same time, my followers needed me. They were my responsibility and I needed to get back to them too. I could maybe take her with me. Nothing spoke against it except that I cannot travel like this and she would not want to leave after staying here for so long. The question remained, with whom should Hornet stay? Maybe the white lady? Unn? Vespa?   
My stomach growling shook me out of my thoughts and Hornet out of her sleep.   
“I’m sorry, did I wake you?” I asked her. She nodded while rubbing the sleep out of her eyes. I stood up and tucked her properly under the sheets. She lay down.  
“I’ll be right back,” I told her and left the room. She went back to sleep. I wandered the hallways that now felt so very unfamiliar and strange. Although I was wearing their gift around my neck, I still felt alone.  
But whilst I was in the hallways, the memories I had with Phantom came back to me. How they had comforted me, how we had walked together and our final meeting, when I was holding Hornet in my arms, screaming at the Pale king with Phantom right beside him. The last thing they saw of me was me losing it at their father.  
I wanted to hurdle into a small ball of shame, I wanted to take it all back and just… tell them how much they meant, not just to me but everyone around them. To let them know that even now during their isolation, that everyone was behind them and would always be.   
I stepped into the kitchen and my stomach was prepared for all of it. My instincts told me to feed so that I could hibernate and heal as soon as possible. But a voice at the back of my mind told me to stay humble and only eat a moderate amount so that I would have more time with Hornet. If only I had listened to that voice.   
I walked back to the room, my stomach happy and filled up to the brim but my legs and rest of my body just wanting to sleep. But I knew that if I lay down, I would most definitely form the chrysalis and leave little Hornet all by herself in the Palace, with the king. So, I fought through the desire to sleep and thought about possibilities for caretakers. The white lady was the first one to come to mind. I opened the door to the room Hornet was sleeping in.  
“Hornet, wake up, we need to go,” I said, not wanting to waste too much time since I knew what was going to happen soon to me. She groaned in protest. I had no choice but to pick her up and wrap her in the blanket. She cuddled into my fur and continued sleeping. I walked with her through the door and on the other side was the garden.   
I could sense the strong presence of the white lady. but before I could take another step, the crystals started to form on my eyes, legs and forearms. This would happen with every time I used magic from now on. I had to use my limited senses while also carrying Hornet through gardens with very potent thorns. This was very scary to me since I was not able to use any memories to navigate, so I was truly blind now. I followed the lingering presence of the white lady as she seemingly called out to me.  
I stepped on a thorny root. I held back any noises and tried to cope with the pain. I could feel my blood form into crystals around my foot and wandering up my leg. Forming a shield but also making moving harder. My wings were as tightly tucked to my body as possible and I held Hornet even closer. I fought on despite the pain and eventually reached a clearing. The white lady felt so close.  
But something was different here. I knew what it was as soon as I felt something by my foot, a body. I held Hornet tightly with one arm and took out one of my hooks with the other. I listened closely to my surrounding as I leaned against a wall, silence. Nothing but utter silence. I moved along the wall. Trying to keep my breathing under control while listening for enemies.   
In the end, I reached the white lady’s nest and quietly walked inside. I put away my weapon.  
“Lady Spectra, what a brave journey you dared to go on. What brings you to me?” she asked. I held up the bundle that was a sleeping Hornet.   
“I cannot take care of this child anymore; my time is limited. I ask you to nurture this child in my place” I said. She was silent for a moment. I felt the tingling sensation of the crystals spreading over my arms.   
“I’m sorry, my dear. But I cannot take over this duty. I have failed before and I now know that in my state will not be able to fulfil the role either” she told me.  
“Who should I look for? I do not know where to turn to” I asked tiredly.   
“The queen of the hive would most certainly be ideal; she is able to protect and care for the child” she answered me. I nodded and held the bundle once again close to me. Soft waking noises could be heard emitting from Hornet.   
“Hello there little one, it is a pleasure to meet you,” the white lady said to her.  
“Where are we?” Hornet asked me sleepy.  
“We are looking for a new place for you to stay since I cannot care for you anymore,” I said sadly. I felt her arms around my neck, but she pulled them away when she felt the forming crystals.  
“what are those?” she asked bewildered.  
“Those are the beginning to her chrysalis; she has until they enclose her whole body to bring you to safety and find a resting place,” the White lady said. Hornet squirmed out of the blanket and I helped her out.   
“You are leaving me too?” Hornet asked me.   
“I cannot protect you like this; I need to heal and for that, I need to disappear for a while. Until I return, I want you to stay with someone I can trust” I explained to her. I carefully tried to find her hand in the dark.  
“My magic is fading, and I am nothing without it. So, we need to find you a place before it is completely gone” I said, trying to find her. Eventually, she took my hand.   
“let’s go,” she said. I nodded goodbye to the white lady and got us to the entrance of the hive. I collapsed on the ground beside Hornet.  
“Spectra!” she said worriedly. I could feel the crystals starting to form over my wings and limbs, making it harder to move.  
“I’m fine. We need to hurry” I said and fought my way back to my feet. Hornet patiently led me to the entrance.  
“Halt! Who goes there?” one guard asked.  
“I come with a message from the White lady and Queen Herrah for Queen Vespa,” I said. Hornet than dragged me on, as if they had let us through. I felt the faintest smell of honey through my almost enclosed head. I fell to the ground once again. I was tired and exhausted; my body was working against me and I wanted to just give up right then and there.  
“Come on, we’re almost there” Hornet spoke. I let out a long exhale and stood back up. It was excruciatingly painful to walk and breathe, but I kept on. Then I heard the queen speak.  
“You must be the messengers,” she said. I fell to my knees.  
“Queen Vespa, I was sent here with the request from the white lady and Herrah that you would protect this child. For she is the daughter of Herrah, the third dreamer” I said. A moment of silence fell over the room as I could feel Hornet holding on to me.   
“very well, I will take her in” she said. Relief washed over me as those words were spoken.   
“thank you,” I said. I took Hornet’s hand.  
“Goodbye, my dear. We meet again soon” I said. She gave me a hug before I used the last of my powers to get far away from there. I was teleported far up form the ground and hit it with so much force that my crystalized and already dead wings fell off and smaller crystal lumps too. I kept crawling on until I found a dead end. There I closed my eyes and with my last energy, I held on to the necklace.   
“I’ll see you soon, my love”


	7. Meeting an apprentice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reawakening amongst the crystals, terraformed by your presence you return to a world that is nothing like the world you once knew.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! I have returned from the beyond! This chapter is the first written in a long time, which means that it will not match my previous writing.

There was a repeating throbbing that slowly increased with my returning conscience. I opened my eyes, seeing the broken light through the brilliant blue crystal. When I was completely conscious again, my protection shell gave in and I could once again see, feel and take in the outside world. Before I even could leave my encasement I was flooded with so many painful and horrible memories, yet also happiness and beauty.  
Yet there was something else there, right in front of me, an emptiness, a creature almost completely devoid of memories, another wanderer. It held an familiar darkness to Phantom, yet it was closer to the ideal the king had been looking for. Its appearance did not match what power it held and many bugs had already met an early end by their doing. “you have freed me, with what motive I wonder. For you do not seem to hold any more memories than a young child, yet there is an ancient wisdom in you, held by your limbs. You must be another traveler, returning to what was once your home, if one could call it so” I said, the being not responding, not showing any reaction to my words. I choked up a little, it held so much potential for greatness, it could have been the next ruler, a fair and wise one or the best baker of this kingdom.  
The being walked past me, going to what was once my resting place. Investigating it for something. What would one like them be looking for? I wondered. I looked around, my influence had turned this place to one that resembled my home. Flora was sprouting and entangling the blue crystals all around, a warming light emitted from them, resembling a waterfall made of light and every colour it could hold. The Radiance’s influence wasn’t yet strong enough. But when I looked to the ground, closest to my chrysalis were tendrils of darkness, ensnaring it carefully. “I must thank you for your aid, for too long I have already been gone” I thanked the little being. Once again they did not react. They seemed to be searching for something, a path perhaps, a solution to their problem, whatever it may be. They left swiftly, seemingly unsatisfied with their finding. This was something new to me, since as long as I could remember there was always someone approaching me for a favour or to worship me. I tried to see further into their memories, but I couldn’t, there were only the faintest hint of a memories present in the being. Like washed out and faded photos. I chose to let them go for now, they would never be out of reach for me. But speaking of reach, I couldn’t sense Phantom anywhere, there weren’t any living memories of him anymore. No one's eyes I could see them through. Yet that wasn’t all, the once living kingdoms were now quiet and empty, only a faint glimmer of what was once a shining and loud realm.

The rain was still falling over the city, yet the streets were quiet and only the rotten lingering presence of the infection was all I could sense. I looked through the window, over the rotting city. “What brings you here, fellow traveller, I don’t think i have seen you here before” said a voice from behind me, a tiredness hiding in it. I turned to a bug, wearing the mask of Monomon, this must’ve been her beloved student. “The same as you, my friend. Searching for something unattainable” I answered, looking at him. He had been exposed to the same emptiness as the other being. “It sounds like you are a very gregarious individual,” he answered from his bench. The lack of memories seemed to do him good, for he had a youth to him, even though he was on the older side of life for one like him. “I do prefer being surrounded by others, whether it is for the better or worse” I answered. The rain hitting the window softly gave a relaxing background noise to the conversation. “Yeah, it can be nice to talk with somebody, especially when you can have a meaningful conversation” he agreed. I looked back outside, spotting a statue of Phantom, surrounded by the three dreamers. “So tell me, traveller, what is it that brought you here?” I asked. “Didn’t you already answer that for me?” he asked, “I did, but I am curious to hear if I was right about that” I chuckled. “I heard a lot of legends, tales and rumours about this place and wanted to explore it for myself. It felt like something was calling me here for a very long time” he answered.  
I looked at the statue. It had some resemblance to them, yet lacked the finer features, those gentle eyes and that softness they have to them, it was replaced by something more dreadingly.  
“I see, do you know what it was? An area that piqued your interest more?” I asked, sitting down next to him. “The blue lake is said to be beautiful, it is also what causes this constant rain in the city” he answered. “you seem to know a lot, what can you tell me about the statue?” I asked, motioning at what lies beyond the window. ”which one? the one of the knight or the one of the princess?” he asked. “princess?” I asked, following his gaze. There truly was a second statue, one of a butterfly, draped in a flowing cape and wielding the same hooks as I do, which is how I realized that the king must’ve erected a statue in my memory. Which was unlike him, especially after our last encounters. “What is it you know about the princess?” I asked, looking back at him. “Well, I know she helped in fighting off the first infection and was a close consult to the pale lady” he started. They made me a princess. “What about the knight?” I asked. “I’m not sure, other than that it is called the hollow knight. I'm not as familiar with it” he shrugged. “I see” the king must’ve held a lot of secrets about him.

For whatever reason, I couldn’t find any more memories belonging to the king, nor the pale court. As if those had been specifically erased or that the infection had something to do with it. I truly wasn't in the favour of the higher beings of this land. 

“you don’t happen to know anything about him yourself?” the student asked. I pondered on how I should answer that. “they are the one responsible for banishing the source of the infection, until now that is” I answered. Phantom must’ve broken themselves, trying to contain it. “This kingdom was doomed as soon as the pale king chose to disrupt the existent rule” I added, the fury in me still fully awake, even after my hibernation. “If you are so against what happened here, then what are you doing here?” he asked. “I couldn’t, until recently. But now I stay for the sake of another” I said. “I see… You know, you hold some resemblance to the princess” he noted. “You can call me Spectra” I smiled at him. “Oh yeah? I’m Quirrel, a pleasure, Princess Spectra” he jokingly greeted. “the pleasure is all mine”


End file.
